by Lisa

People often feel as if we are trapped, when we live in a society where we see so many problems.  Unemployment, terrible recession, reduced opportunity, low pay, bachelor’s degree just to get a clerical job.  How do we make these barriers scalable?  How do I make these barriers scalable?

Where do my passions lie?  Where do I excel?  What makes me feel useful?

I jumped into a nursing education to be a unit of facilitation to better the world.  Better the world, what a set of words to put together.  I couldn’t do that, so I do this instead.  I study people’s interactions, and apply other people’s theories…to get good grades, and earn a degree.

If I force myself to march in lockstep with the university reward system, rather than really understand the reality of what I make of myself in the process, my time here is a prison of my own making.  Unacceptable.  Where can an alterative be found?  How can the process become meaningful and useful?

What to do, and where to go with this knapsack of knowledge?

(How much will really stay with me?–a worry.)

Betterment of the world, abstract and undefinable.  Helping individuals, plan A.  Helping society, plan B.  This is my admission that I have no idea how to do that.  I have no idea, and the scariest part is that my lack of awareness fills every waking moment with a feeling of detachment from my actions.

My displaced goal has become getting the A.  The original goal got swept aside somewhere.  It’s time to turn inward for a while, and look past the finish line of B.A. and G.P.A and G.R.E. and any other symbol of success.

The grades still matter, and I can’t help but enjoy the good ones.  I plan to take the time to retake classes to make bad ones better.  I quit the blind march, the comforting group lockstep, and I throw myself against the barriers with every fiber of my being.

This is my official notice.