by Lisa

I am grateful for many things; some days, there are too many to remember.  Tonight, sleepless, I will try.

My daughters are brilliant creatures, sparkly and unique.  One little butterfly flutters, unhindered, because I can give that to her.  One desperately wishes to fly, or flee, but all I can give her is love and advice, and sympathize with her at the clipped state of her almost-grown wings.

My darling love exists as a perfectly magical concoction of easy quiet charm and intellect, kindness, integrity, and beauty: all soft hazel-green eyes and perfect black hair and a laugh that passes through walls and pierces my heart.  He writes things that make me shiver and smile, sometimes at the same time.  I think I dreamed him into being.

My home is full of nice places to sit.  That’s all any home really needs as praise.  My daughter would praise the quality of its back yard, and the freedom she has to sculpt it into her world.  Me, I like to sit.  It’s still too cold for me out there.  Pretty soon, I’ll be singing the praises of the bike trails, but not yet.

I can fix things and build things, thanks to my Papa.  Old plumbing and I are old friends, and I can hammer and saw and piece together what I have to keep a home in working order.

My hands do my bidding, and my walls and my blanket chest and my closet can vouch for that.  Paintings and blankets and dresses without zippers or buttons…

My mind works in ways that make me feel competent in this world.  I adapt, rarely feeling like an odd bird if I am given a chance to see how the other birds do things.  Then I do things my way, and things just work out somehow.

I have just enough money in the bank each month to pay my bills and have a little left over.  That feels right and good.  Lean times will come again, and that’s fine.  I can squeeze a penny until Lincoln cries, so that we can have hot fudge sundaes down at the Dairy Haven whenever we like: my version of balancing the budget.

And balance…that one, I’m learning.  I am grateful for the chance to fail and try again at maintaining balance.  Just recently, things got quite out of whack.  Today, I adjusted my thinking and gave myself the option of failure, which was a success.  There are not just second chances, but third and fourth and…here, the daughter would interrupt me to remind me of the “infinity”.

Speaking of failure, I got an A on my last essay, and an A on my last exam.  Grateful to have accomplished that in the midst of out-of-whackness.

My list ends here tonight.  Not sleepless any more.

Easter is this Sunday.  For the first time in years, I won’t be a Pie Lady in my pink apron and rainbow pearls; instead, I’ll get enough sleep and stay on top of my readings.  I miss pie, but I belong where I am for now.  For that, I am grateful.